Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
