I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
