im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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