Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
