so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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