The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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