I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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