I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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