Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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