And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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