I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
