i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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