so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
