sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
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I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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