I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
