he wants to bone in the snuggie
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
