Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
