Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
