I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
