No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
