So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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