you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
