my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
