I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Damn victory sex feels great
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
