Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
