Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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