if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
