she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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