i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
