from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
