I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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