My brain says no but my pants say off.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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