I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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