Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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