I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
