if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
