her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
