I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
