i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
third nipple confirmed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
