I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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