Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
