At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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