Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
