if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
