Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
