Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
