Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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