SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
