It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
