and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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