This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
