Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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