I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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