he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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