He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
