Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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