I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
