Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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