just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think i have herpe
just one?
He felt like a one man threesome
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
