They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
