A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
