I think I am morally bankrupt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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