Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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